The Opinuary Column

The Opinion "Jesus of Nazareth was not a zombie" has died, having been murdered by a variety of Christians who threw his lifeless corpse to the turf and tore to shreds what was left of his dessicated corpse. He was believed to be 57 years of age, though he looked much older.
Born inside a grotto near Gila Bend, Arizona, Jesus first died of heat exhaustion and dehydration while crossing the desert to face his demons, a ritualistic journey similar to those often taken by shamans and

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