Jamie Lynn Spears Gets New Man Old Enough To Be Her Baby’s Grandpa

If anyone is still playing the ‘which member of the Spears family is most troubled’ game, we have news.

No, it’s not about Britney. She hasn’t gone bald again or lost all of her knickers. She hasn’t got married to a fat dancer or got into a screaming match with a hatstand. She hasn’t started dating a paparazzo or written a blog in Esperanto about how she’s made of moonbeams and unicorn tears. It’s about Jamie Lynn Spears.

Apparently Jamie Lynn Spears has split up with the father of her baby and moved onto a new man who’s ten years older than her. Which, by our calculations, makes him about 13. Because Jamie Lynn Spears is very young, you see. Get it? Anyone? No?

Remember when celebrity news wasn’t relentlessly dull? Remember when it was full of cocky young twits driving around drunk and making sex tapes and generally making arses of themselves? Now what have got? The biggest celebrity story of the last few month was about a slightly horny golfer, for crying out loud. Sure, Rip Torn has done his best to turn it around by staging a drunken armed break-in of a bank that he thought was his house, but he’s farting into a hurricane. Celebrity news has got dreary.

If only Jamie Lynne Spears was still famous. She knew how to do it right – getting pregnant at the age of 16 to a church-buddy is exactly the way that celebrities should behave. Similarly, informing your mother of said pregnancy by letter at the exact moment that she’s about to publish a book about what a brilliant parent she is also deserves praise. Oh, if only Jamie Lynn Spears would come back and do something else moderately dimwitted.

What’s that? Jamie Lynn Spears has left the father of her baby Casey Aldridge and immediately got involved with a man who’s almost 30? Yeah, that’ll do. People reports:

Spears moved out of the Liberty, Miss., house she shared Aldridge and their 19-month-old daughter, Maddie, about six weeks ago and is now living with her mother, Lynne, according to sources. Spears, 18, has recently begun dating James Watson, 28, who owns a multimedia company close to Kentwood, La., according to a Spears family friend, who says, “he seems to be a nice guy.”

What? No, this is all wrong. Jamie Lynn Spears finding love with a successful man who ’seems to be a nice guy’? This isn’t right at all! What happened to the Spears DNA? Shouldn’t Jamie Lynn be moving in with a paunchy backing dancer who’s got one eye on her Zoey 101 residuals? Shouldn’t she be trying to get pregnant by waving her bare vagina around in the air and hoping that some airborne sperm particles somehow get lodged in there? Shouldn’t she be shaving off her hair and attacking inanimate objects in full view of the paparazzi?

You’re a disappointment to your family, Jamie Lynn Spears. Just you wait until your sister hears about this. She’ll have to do something doubly berserk to compensate. Hopefully.

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